A Quick Note on Proposals

No Public Proposals

If you are a guy, and you have not proposed yet, forget about jumping on this trend of proposing in public ("PIP").  There are a few reasons I can think of for PIP, and none of them are particularly good.  (1) You're showing off.  Hate to say it, but this isn't about you.  (2) You're doing it so she can show off by telling her friends all about the most extravagant, over-the-top marriage proposal ever.  EVER.  This is a lot like trying to buy the biggest (expletive) diamond engagement ring ever.  (3) You're betting that she'll have to say yes because of the added societal pressure created by the audience.  This is just wrong.  So think about doing it somewhere private, or at least semi-private.  A park, maybe?  A Jumbotron, no.

Don't rehearse.  

Even if you get so nervous (omigod I was so nervous) that you completely (expletive) everything up, she'll love it, because (1) she can tell the hilarious story to everyone, and (2) she'll know you very seriously thought about and had at least some appreciation for the repercussions of the question you were asking before you asked it.  That is a good thing.

Don't spend too much on the ring.  

How much should you spend on an engagement ring?  Not too much.  And by too much, I mean probably about anything more than 5-10% of what you'd ideally like to spend on the wedding itself.  So if you want a $10,000 wedding, just around $750 seems about right.  If that seems low, remember: nobody needs a ring with a diamond the size of an (expletive) bowling ball.  Worse, it's just plain socially irresponsible to buy a new ring that doesn't use conflict-free diamonds.  On the other hand, it's just plain fiscally irresponsible to buy one WITH a conflict-free diamond, because those things are ludicrously expensive.

So shop around.  Good places to shop for engagement rings online: www.etsy.com, www.ebay.com.  Good brick-and-mortar places: pawn shops, antique stores, auctions.

If you have an heirloom engagement ring in the family, use that.  She'll love it.

Diamonds(?)

If you're going with a diamond, you'll hear a lot about the four c's.  I'm pretty sure color is the most important; you'll want one that's as close to colorless as you can afford.  Cut is probably the least important -- they're all pretty well-cut these days.  How many carats?  I'd go with anything over .25 and under .6 for the primary stone.

The Road Less Travelled

And maybe forget about diamonds, if she's open-minded about that sort of thing.  Pearls were traditional way before diamonds, although they're a little more delicate.  Colored stones are sometimes more beautiful (and always more unique).  I've been reading The Beautiful and Damned, wherein the beautiful Ms. Gloria requests a silver ring set with emeralds, which sounds kind of hip.  Wooden bands are environmentally friendly, I think, as are (obviously) any vintage ring.  Possibilities...

But what it all comes down to is a reasonable engagement ring: the first step to an amazing(ly inexpensive wedding.  Use the money you both saved on your marriage instead -- take a trip together, buy something you'll need for your new home together, donate it to a favorite charity.  


P.S., you may start to feel secretly superior to people with giant blood diamonds strapped to their ring fingers.  Embrace the feeling.  You're only human, after all.